Navigating Grief & Finding Peace

Last weekend my teenage daughter asked me if I had found peace or if I was still struggling with the passing of my mom, Kelly. It came out of the blue as we were traveling to her musical theater practice and it took me a moment to gather my thoughts to respond. Navigating grief and life after the passing of a loved one is a journey and process that looks different for everyone.

Many of us are navigating grief today – be it the passing of a family member or friend, seeing the news headlines of war or COVID death tallies, or letting go of a marriage or job title that we felt was part of our identity. It came to me to share with my daughter my “best practices” for navigating this journey. This is what has worked for me in times of hardship and they may be of help to you too or may provide some insight in how you can support a friend or family member navigating grief…

Prayer – turning to the ever-present Love to find peace & harmony. Reading a simple quote, singing a favorite hymn, or simply sitting in a moment of silence can help me refocus and recenter my thoughts.

Gratitude – finding the beauty in the present moment by simply asking myself “What am I grateful for right now?” I keep a notebook or sheet of paper handy and write it down. If you are struggling with finding something to be grateful for in the future you can go back to the list and read through it – I promise it will shift your perspective and allow you to move forward and find a deeper sense of peace.

Connection – Part of navigating grief for me has been working through feeling alone- is anyone missing her as much as me? does anyone else understand how I feel? Instead of sitting in that space I reach out to a family member or friend. We catch up or just text back and forth and it makes me feel more connected. I am also grateful for the girlfriends who have shown up for me during this time – girls days, coffee dates, hikes in the woods, and time for one on one connection has been so helpful. This process has also bonded my husband and I in new ways and I feel our relationship is stronger than ever.

Communication – Being able to communicate how I feel has been hard – I have never felt this way or navigated something quite like this before. So, I am patient with myself and give myself the time and space to find the right words to communicate what I am thinking, how I am feeling, how I am praying, and how I need their support. Asking for what you need is powerful.

Honesty – This ties in with communication. I have learned it is SO important to be honest with your feelings, with others, and to speak up for what you need. There have been times when I just need space to be alone and that is hard for me to ask for – some nights I just need time to cry, pray, and process.

Adventure – Having a date on the calendar to go on an adventure gives me something to look forward to. It could be as simple as a new hike on the island, trying a new restaurant, traveling to somewhere new or going on a big international adventure. Just having that date on the calendar keeps me focused on the future and keeps me from mulling over the past.

Gardening & Nature – Spending time outside and appreciating the beauty and peace found in nature makes me feel calm and centered. Growing something is embedded into who I am as a farm girl – seeing new life spring forth from my garden brings me so much joy. Maybe you have a hobby that does the same for you?

Walks – In Summer 2021 we adopted a border collie puppy, Isla, who has helped me break out of my old routine and get into a new routine with more balance. We are out 3x a day on long walks in our neighborhood and cover 8+ miles a day. This time has been a gift to think, reflect, brainstorm, be present in the moment, and breathe in a lot of fresh air while being active. Truly a blessing to us both.

While I talked to my daughter about this I also explained that there are days where I feel deep sadness but most days I am at peace and grateful to know a love like the one my Mom & I shared. I truly am a grateful heart.