Grief Support Group: My 8 Week Journey

For the past 8 weeks I have been participating in a small in-person grief support group. Through a combination of sharing stories, deep listening and grief education, we were encouraged to honor our grief and to find continued meaning in our lives. Each week was different – some weeks easier than others but it was an opportunity to share, be vulnerable, and learn how move forward.

Week One: Learning & Listening – We all briefly shared who we were there to honor by lighting a candle in their name. The simple act of creating a warm glowing light brought a feeling of peace and safety to the room. This lesson was primarily listening – learning how everyone processes grief differently and how important it is to stay connected to your loved one who has passed on. Week One homework assignment: Write a letter to your loved one and with the opposite hand, write a letter back from your loved one. By writing with your non-dominant hand, it is thought that you are accessing territory beyond your rational and linear thoughts. It took me a few days after the class to sit down to write the letter – the words just poured out on to the page and the “response back” had me in tears. This was a powerful and insightful exercise.

Week Two: Writing – We had the opportunity to share the letters we wrote and “their” response back – this could be reading the entirety of the letter or just summarizing it depending on what you were comfortable with. I chose to read my entire letter and I’ll admit, I sobbed through the entire thing. Normally I would shy away from being emotional in a room full of unfamiliar faces but I found strength in sharing my feelings. I came into this group wanting to grow and push my boundaries.

Week Three: Resilience – We all sat down at a large table with a blank page of paper and a box of new crayons (one of my Mom’s favorite things!) and we were asked to draw a picture that represented resilience. I drew a flower (imagine that?!) and added in the things that have allowed me to move through this experience with grace – my family, my spiritual understanding, support of friends, spending time in prayer and giving gratitude, walks in nature, etc. This was a fun session that felt inspiring and creative.

Week Four: Honoring, Round One – During this session 4 members of the group introduced us to the loved one they were there to honor. It was so nice to “meet” these special people I had been hearing so much about through the sessions.

Week Five: Honoring, Round Two – This is the session I introduced my Mom to everyone. I brought her favorite flowers, peonies and sent a jar of homemade red raspberry jam (using my Mom’s recipe of course) home with everyone. I brought photos, seashells, her perfume, special items, etc. to share with everyone. I did tear up a few times during my presentation but it was fun to share her bright beautiful spirit with everyone in the class.

Week Six: Sharing– This was by far the hardest session, we were sharing the “death narrative” of the passing of our loved one. I was the only one with my Mom when she passed and it felt like a very private moment and memory to share with everyone. I also don’t like to sit in this moment and live it over again – there was a BIG wonderful life full of activity, purpose, love, and perseverance before that moment in time and that’s what I choose to focus on. I did share my experience and it did allow me to release it in a way. This was a challenging but healing session.

Week Seven: Support – In this session we were allowed to bring a person who has been a support to us during this journey and I asked my husband to come. He was so sweet, honest, and open with the group when asked questions by the facilitators. When he was asked about what I needed he got the answer 100% correct – I need connection, support, and those who care about me to reach out. So, if you are reading this and you know me personally – please shoot me a text with what’s going on in your life, find a time to text or email me a photo, give me a call, schedule a coffee date/ walk & talk/ dinner together, anything would be SO wonderful. My Mom was the person who showed up for me and I so miss her good morning texts, regular check-in’s, and her friendship. I know I’ll never fill that space but it would be so nice to hear from you and know that I am being thought of.

Week Eight: Reflection – This was the last session of the course and we were asked to reflect on the past 8 weeks. One question was, What do you believe they would wish or hope for you? To give some context to my answer you need to know this… not long after my Mom’s passing I had a dream with her in it. I was on our family farm in Iowa walking outside and I saw her – my heart surged with love and excitement and I shouted Mom! and then gave her the biggest hug. We didn’t say anything to each other after that but we simply walked side by side, hand in hand, continuing forward on our journey. This dream felt SO real and it still brings happy tears to my eyes when I think of it. So, what she would want me to know is that she is still by my side holding my hand along the way.

I am a grateful heart.