Speaking Words of Comfort

Have you ever struggled with what to say to someone who has had a beloved family member pass away? Or what to say when a cherished pet has moved on? Or wondered how to support that person in the months that follow? I’ve been giving this some thought over the past 9 months when family and friends have come to me asking, “What do you need?”, “How can I support you?”, “How can I be present for you?” Just asking those questions is the first step in continuing a healthy relationship with the person going through those big life changing events. Many people say not to ask questions, to just show up and do, but for me personally, I needed those questions to be asked because it caused me to go to a place I wasn’t comfortable with – it meant that I needed to ask for help. This is a lesson I needed to learn (and one I am still learning…)

The go to phrase in our society is currently, “I am sorry for your loss.” I know this may sound odd to some, but I truly do not believe that I have lost anything. I experienced a love so pure, so unconditional, so deep that the only way I can describe it is as a gift. That’s a real and priceless present – something to behold, to cherish, to celebrate, and to carry forward with you. This type of love gives you strength and courage – where loss implicates that you have less than before. I have their loving presence with me at every moment. When I think of my Mom and my Kea girl (our dear border collie who recently passed at the age of 15) my heart fills with joy and gratitude – I don’t have any regrets. We loved one another to full capacity, without limits, and with a simple purity that is one of my biggest blessings.

Honestly, there is no perfect phrase listed here – the perfect thing to say is what is found truly and deeply in your heart – we just have to be present enough to hear what that is. In a world of constant entertainment, social media, binge watching shows is the norm, it’s hard to connect with that inner voice and to have the quiet space to listen. I encourage you to go to that place as much as you can – it’s where healing and progress occurs.

These are some of the words of comfort I share and say to others;

• May your heart be filled with love when you think of <her/him/them> and may you feel comfort when you remember the time you shared together.
• May their love fill you with joy and gratitude for a life well lived and a life full of purpose.
• May their light pave your path with a future full of hope and infinite possibilities.
• <Insert name> is held safe in God’s tender loving care.

I am learning that we all process these big life changes differently and there is no right or wrong way – it’s okay to be really emotional (that’s me) and it’s okay to not shed a tear. The only way forward is to love one another, to lift each other up with words of encouragement, or even just a text to say hello and I am thinking of you. I encourage any of you who have read this and have your own words of comfort to share to post it below. This is a safe space. We are grateful hearts together.

Are you the one struggling and you need support and hope for the future? Check out my post, Navigating Grief and Finding Peace.